The study was carried out after a panel of eight comic critics voted the holiday joke by Tim Vine (brother of TV presenter Jeremy Vine) the best of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. 'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits? The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. ' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.His winning one-liner was: 'I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next! She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me! Researchers scoured the web and examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36,000 people voted.In second place was a legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu'.
Phrases like this don't help you stand out and can be BORING to read after having seen them so many times.Now it's time to write a kick-ass bio that describes how awesome you are!Here is some helpful advice and a few valuable tips: 1) Be Different - Most Profiles Look Exactly the Same!Other jokes to make the top 20 include a string of brilliant one-liners - and digs at wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.A quarter-century after his death comedy hero Tommy Cooper makes a strong showing in the list, which also includes gags by Peter Kay, Lee Evans and Canadian comic Stuart Francis.1. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!Others are more like mini-stories or scenarios, in which case they've simply been broken up in a way that's convenient and easy to read.